neelam rai is....

Wednesday, March 11, 2009

The Rules of Henna

It has come to my attention that many people get henna, and then within 2 days it disappears to their dismay. I thought, "well! i must come to the rescue of those wanting to preserve their dyed skins cells!"
So here are the rules of henna.
  1. You want to let the henna dry naturally, do not use any form of extra heat on it
  2. Once your henna has dried, do not then begin to pick at it, in fact what you truly need to do to get amazing results is re-wet it. DO NOT USE WATER. the best thing to do is put some (a) Vicks menthol rub, or if you don't have that, (b) a mixture of lemon juice and sugar which you have warmed up in the mircrowave.
  3. Use a cotton pad or ball to gently put the lemon substance all over the henna design, or a finger for the Vicks, do not use a Q-tips, because your henna will come off.
  4. After you have applied one of those lovely liquids, wrap you hand, or body part with the henna design on it with cling wrap, glad or otherwise.
  5. Leave you henna on for at least, AT LEAST, 4 hours for good results, i tend to do 10 hours, but thats because i want my henna to last for more than 3-5 days.
  6. When you've decided to take your henna off, DO NOT USE WATER!! EVER!! THIS IS THE DOWNFALL OF HENNA!!!!
  7. What you want to do is get a paper towel or napkin, and some sort of oil, it can be olive oil, body oil, baby oil, mustard oil, almond oil, it doesn't matter, as long as it is oil. put some of the oil on the paper towel, and gently scrap the henna off ur hand using the paper towel.
  8. Do NOT wash your hand afterwards. NO WATER.
  9. Try not to get ur henna wet for the next few days, because henna tends to darken for 24-48 hours after removal of the gunky dye. Heat is what makes it darken, so bundle up when you go to bed, and wake up with darker henna!!

Saturday, February 28, 2009

i do stupid things.

there are a few things about me that make no sense.
like the fact that when people start telling me i'm making a mistake, or that i should or shouldn't do something, i do the opposite, even if i know that it's not a good choice. 
i will literally do exactly what they don't want me to do just cus i don't want to listen to their advice or in some cases nagging. i know that they have my best intentions at heart. but i get pig-headed, stupid and stubborn. i've been doing this since i was little. my parents would tell me to do something over and over and over again, so i'd do the opposite just to spite them.
and now.. well i do it to my friends. and im not proud of it
but the more you tell me to do something, or not to do it.. makes me want to do the complete opposite...
i can't explain why. i just do it without thinking about how it may effect me later.

Thursday, February 26, 2009

everyday is saturday night, but i can't wait till sunday morning.

well. i've decided to start a journal. now i've tried this many a-time before with mediore results at best. the reason generally being that i forget i have a journal and if i remember i have one i don't want to write everything down, that my dear readers is the reason i have a blog in the first place. everything in my life is changing at the moment. a person that i thought would be in my life forever is completely gone, and apparently.. never coming back. i did some things that im not proud of, but not ashamed of either, i guess you could say im okay that i did it, just not fully comfortable with it yet. i know that sounds very confusing, but thats just me. i refuse to say anything with too many details on this blog, just cus anyone in the world can read it. like my mom, if she ever figures out how to do more thanb shop online and check her email. i find that im kinda uncomfortable around a lot of people lately. and i'm keeping a giant secret that i will probably take to the grave. me and one other person know. and im rather upset at myself about this one. but i refuse to tell anyone. i don't know when this blog became my portal to the world. but i've been posting ambiguous secrets and hopes and dreams and nightmares here almost unknowingly.

Tuesday, February 24, 2009

i won't sleep a wink, i will turn to drink wondering what you're proving

well now.. i have no attachments to you...
except for ... well you know.
i dunno how this is gonna go.. and these ridiculous offers are kinda freaking me out

i'm not feeling like myself..
i feel rly awkward and weird in this new found me.
and i don't rly like it...

my IB procrastination is back guys... 
but im still done all my homework by a reasonable time :)

i havent read a good book in a long long time.. and i don't think i'll be able to until we move.. just cus life is soo hectic right now
im busy all week.. and its kinda tripping me out.. im ridiculously popular lately...
i think i had to turn about 4 ppl down when they invited me to do stuff..
and honestly.. i don't rly like going out this much... i like being at home.. not cus im not outgoing.. 
but i feel most relaxed at home.. and going all the time gets sooo hectic.. i don't enjoy that.

Sunday, February 22, 2009

i'm dancing barefoot, some strange music drives me.

i can't believe i didn't see that coming.
a week tops before it happens
and im blocked.. that's very uncool.

someone wants me to hang with him.. and a friend.. but by "hang" i do not mean hang out...
not gonna happen.. and if you get what i'm talking about... SHHHHHHHHH

i think i trusted you with much to much.. and ur not proving to me that i should have
in fact i think you did the exact opposite of what i asked..
so if im right. and you did what i think you did.
then i don't think i can forgive you. ever.
its too big of a deal. this is not some small things that i can just let slide..
so i hope for the sake of all my other friends.. and my reputation.. you didn't say anything.

Saturday, February 21, 2009

Tuesday, February 17, 2009

Pop 'N Share

i am sooo excited for tomorrow!!! EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEK
so im in a great mood, mainly cus of a guy, but thats a story for later.
for those who are still wondering i did in fact get into players, and im going to be playing the roles of Miller and Justinius in our production of The Canterbury Tales, by Jeffrey Chaucer.
Cassie, Alex, Melissa AND Katie are all sick.. so school feels rly rly weird...
im listenging to Nickleback right now
im tired
i should go to bed..
busy day tomorrow.. YAY

Wednesday, February 11, 2009

up yours

my parents are soo god-damned lucky that i would never swear at them
if i wanted your silly, pointless little lecture i would have asked.
i don't need or want your opinion. i want to be left alone. and i want what i want.
no questions asked. i am a stubborn little bitch when it comes to what i want when i want it. 
i will be a brat no matter what my age is. 
and no it doesn't matter how mature i normally am. i will have my fucking teenager moments.
don't ask me to calm down. or comply with your wishes. because i will do the opposite. 
you know me well enough to not give me any sort of ultimatum. 
cus i will do the punishment without question rather then give in. ever.
i will not apologize. 
or give you what you asked for.
i will be an annoying, immature, aggravating little brat until my last screaming breath if it means
sticking to my guns. 

digging a tunnel to china, oh please please keep me sane.

im in serious pissed off mode right now. i dunno what exactly it is thats bugging me... but it is
and when i figure out what it is, i hope i can fix it. the painters are in... and if you don't know 
what that means then go away. i already told cassie this. but i think the rest of the world should 
also know. i feel like scratching someones face off, and if someone says one thing that is off, i 
will snap. and it will not be pretty. i can't seem to concentrate on anything and my mind is being 
very slow, and one-track only. small things are upsetting me, and i don't want anyone to talk to 
me.especially if its to tell me their problems. i hate it when ppl tell me their problems when im 
having my own. just keep them too yourself, or write a blog like me. don't bother me with your 
every little problem, or big ones either. when im in a good mood i'm all ears, but don't even come
near me with problems if im in a bad mood, cus i will not have anything to say to you, and i will 
be using all my will power to not snap at you. 

sometimes i'm so happy that i can barely contain myself, and then days like this come around...

Monday, February 9, 2009


if my heart was of stone and not glass
i would lift my eyes to the heaven above
and pray for the ability to be broken.
to be shattered is to have lived and given 
all that you have. the return is not so
lovely, but the reminense of life is still there.

read this if you wish. this is how i feel. and now i think im done

i realize that i could have been a bit more lets say "sympathetic" or "soft-worded" but you enjoy telling people the raw truth, so i thought maybe you could use a bit of your own medicine, and making up your own version of the story is not cool. yes i was very mean, but thats because i was sick and tired of your constant whiney, bitchy mood. yes i was very mean, very very very mean. but that does not mean i was angry. i just didnt have the patience to sit there and listen to you blame everyother person on earth for your problems while i tried to get your attention with whats really going on. just because you don't like what someone has to say does not mean that they are attacking you. im sorry for the fact that you can't take the truth and don't know how not to take things personally. but i do not apologize for saying all the things i did. i stand behind every single one of them. someone had to tell you the way that everyone around you is being affected, and it just so happened that i had some free time. and thats the mood i was in when i talked to you, i just felt like you needed to be told, matter-o-factly, and i was being cold because if i said it in a nice way you wouldnt have listened to me at all. me and cassie had already tried to talk to you nicely. but somehow it just flew right over your head. i had no other choice, cus im not one to sit by and wait.

Sunday, February 8, 2009

i hate her. like a real, complete opposite of love, wish you serious illness, like the plague or anthrax, kind of hate.

i hate her, i hate her, i hate her. she ruined everything.. why the fuck did she have to be there that night? if she had never shown up in the picture.. this wouldn't be happening. we wouldn't be strangers. i want to fucking rip her head off. i've never been more angry at a human being in my life. and i'm not angered easily. i don't know why i didn't place any blame on her earlier. shes the worst type of human being. does she even know that she completely ruined something so huge, something so important to me? no. of course she doesn't, she's living her semi-charmed life with no guilt or regret, whereas i have a constant gnaw in the pit of my stomach because of her? i can't walk down a hallway or enter a room without a slight bit of nervousness. and it's all because of her and her stupid fucking hormones. i hope serious ill for her. i hope someone does this to her. because she deserves it. but i bet you my bottom dollar that it won't. her little 14 year old life will go on as she plans it in her mind. she'll have nothing more than a bitter-sweet break-up and a new bf 2 days later. bitch. uggggggggggggggggggggggggggggghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
im not a bad person, i swear, and normally i would never wish a person any harm. but for her? i'll make an exception, because had it not been for her my un-charmed life would be rather great at the moment. amazing actually. but i guess thats how life goes. and i gotta accept it. cus theres nothing else i can do. i really need to start writing in a diary. cus putting so much personal info on the internet is starting to make me paranoid.. and thats never good. 

so peace out net-whores. 
and love and happiness for everyone. 

p.s. except me.
but thats to be expected. nothing works out like i hope it will

p.s.s. in fact i should have never even let myself be so happy.
was it all a giant mistake? i rly hope it wasn't

Saturday, February 7, 2009

i stopped letting it show, but that doesnt mean it's not there anymore.

have you ever noticed that the people who say they will never hurt you always end up hurting you the most? i wish people came with warning signs.. or expiry dates. so you would know when they are past their prime and will not be able to make you happy anymore.. its always hard having to find out the hard way.

Thursday, February 5, 2009

gay boyfriend, gay boyfriend, i don't really care that you are queer!

so something big hath happened... i think that we bought a house. 
its gorgeous. and huge, and not so far away that i can't come to QE, so yay for that!!
the completion date is March 31, so its not ours until then.
i'd just have to take 2 buses to get home, which isn't so bad, and my dad's gonna buy me 
a car so everything will work out!
ugh, so to explain just how weird ppl are at QE, Katie Nanka punched me in the box
and it HURT, like she hit me right on the pelvic bone... 
i should do my homework, which consists of nothing really, maybe 15 mins of concentration
i need to buy a yearbook, and some players wear, woot!
me and cassie are gonna get sweats that say "player" on the ass. its gonna be cool
oh yea! i didnt mention that i auditioned for the royal players, which is the drama company at QE!
Alex is already a member, and Cassie also auditioned, so lets see where this takes us, BAHAHAHA
like theres a chance we won't get in.. i've been in players before, and they love cassie.

Tuesday, February 3, 2009

spillage? haha, yes.. and wats ur name again? i forgot it...

so this is how its gonna be.
i am no longer the same old girl i used to be. these past 7-8 months have changed me a lot.
i will not allow you to walk all over me, i have something to say, and i will say it. 
if you do something stupid, i will make a comment. you had better believe that i have a sharper tongue than most could imagine, and im not shy with giving out a good lick here and there.
if you think im gonna be someone who laughs off insults you are seriously mistaken. 
and i will not, and i repeat not be intimidated by your stance, or way of saying something.
yes, im smart, but no. im not gonna help ur sorry behinds.
i had forgetten the extreme arrogance that some guys have, cus i was surrounded by intelligent
and mature-ish guys. but don't you worry. i will put you in your place. just you wait.

i think this is gonna be more fun then i signed on for, and im just too happy to accept the challenge.

Monday, February 2, 2009

its like i wanna stab you in the eye and then give you a lollipop

So! im finally back at QE. let the awkward, cool, funny, sad, and stupid times begin.
lets start this blog entry off with the fact that normal high school kids are a lot rowdier
than i remember. QE is a lot more crowded then i remember, my friends are just as cool
as i remember, if not cooler, the drama room still feels like home. being the teachers pet
is just as annoying, thank god im not it. it only takes 5 mins for me to get to school, its 
like heaven. the teachers feel serious distrust for anyone under the age of 19. textbooks
for Bio are very large. Socials 11 makes me miss history with Ms. G. the extra 15 mins in 
each block seems like an hour.. but no double blocks makes the day seem soo much shorter.
im in love with my commute. i love being able to watch TV after school with my younger sisters.
i love that i can join players. i love my friends. i love that my homework only took 45 mins.
sitting on the floor makes ur bum sore after a while. walking to school is refreshing. art 
class is a little haven for moi et mes amis. my backpack doesnt weigh 35 pounds.. thou my 
Bio textbook weights 13 lbs. tis quite scary. theres this guy and im pretty sure he likes me
but cassie and alex are doubtful. it doesnt matter thou. i don't like him, so if he doesn't like
me then it makes my life easier. cools ppls are in my socials class. tis amazing. 

Saturday, January 31, 2009

it's never enough to say "im sorry", its never enough to say "i care"


ok. so i can't go get my contacts until Feb. 10th, and im gonna go get my haircut tomorrow. 
i really need to clean my room.. and i have no idea why i havent already started... gruzzzzzzzzz


you know what i just realized... this quote rly makes sense to me now. you never cared.
"if you love someone, let him go, and if he returns, he's yours, but if he doesn't, then he was never yours to begin with"
i let you go. and you never came back. shows how much you really loved me.. unless that is.. you think that YOU let me go.. which is not the case my dear. 

Friday, January 30, 2009

to go on a date with this guy, or not to go on a date with this guy. THAT, is the question.

just for the record... someone asked me out yesterday, and today.. and probably will again tomorrow..
i dunno what im gonna say yet... he's nice enough... and has his own car, and his own place, and a couple of peircings. peircing = hawt
but. and this is the important part. REBOUND MUCH?
thats all im gonna say.

haven't been to the movies with a guy in a long ass time.. :0
this could be fun.

i've got liquid ice running through my veins, and shooting daggers in my gaze.

have you ever noticed that when people say, "no offense, but..." they always say something that completely offends you?
it really annoys me.. if you are going to say something that sounds offensive in your mind, and you don't want it to seem offensive, your best bet to NOT offend someone is to NOT say anything at all.

to clarify: me, vince and rick talked for a long time, i talked to vince for a minimum of 2 hours. rick on the other hand arrived a little bit later, big fucking deal. why do you care? rick was my friend before i even knew who you were. so don't act like its some big deal if i talk to him. whats it to you? god that fucking pisses me off. and yes i mentioned you. wanna know why? cus we were talking about being HIGH, do you know who was always there when i was? YOU. so excuse me if i have a few stories that involve you. i wasn't going on about how much "i miss you" or some other bullshit. my goodness. "not to be an ass, but..." are you that self-involved? 

way to fucking rain on my parade, i was in a good fucking mood. 

this next semester is gonna be kinda stressful.. isn't it?
i was really hoping that it would be fun.. but this lil melodrama is gonna get in the way.. i can just feel it. ick.

Thursday, January 29, 2009


im sooo exctied and happy and OMG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
i dont think i've been this happy in a very, very long time.

Wednesday, January 28, 2009

Neelam and me couldnt remember the lyrics....


I wanna be the very best
Like no one ever was
To catch them is my real test
To train them is my cause
I will travel across the land
Searching far and wide
Teach Pokemon to understand
The power that's inside
Pokemon! Gotta catch 'em all--
It's you and me
I know it's my destiny
Ooooh, you're my best friend
In a world we must defend
Pokemon!Gotta catch 'em all--
Our hearts so true
Our courage will pull us through
You teach me and I'll teach you
Gotta catch 'em all!
Gotta catch 'em all!
Every challenge along the way
With courage I can face
I will battle everyday
To claim my rightful place
Come with me the time is right
There's no better team
Arm in arm we'll win the fight
It's always been our dream
Pokemon! Gotta catch 'em all--
It's you and me
I know it's my destiny
Ooooh, you're my best friend
In a world we must defend
Pokemon! Gotta catch 'em all--
Our hearts so true
Our courage will pull us through
You teach me and I'll teach you
Gotta catch 'em all!
Gotta catch 'em all!
Gotta catch 'em all!
Gotta catch 'em all!
Gotta catch 'em all!

Tuesday, January 27, 2009

short entries are key to a busy life-style.

its like amazing how awesome today was!!
i went to metrotown with cassie. elle est mon meuilleur amie.
we tried on many dresses.. i found 2 that looked bueno on me.. 
but i rly didnt feel like spending some ridiculous amount of money on a dress i only plan on wearing once..
so yea.
saw many, Many, MANY hot guys at the mall..
and when we got sick and tried of looking at dresses we decided to go watch a movie!
Inkheart, it was pretty good. the flamethrower guy looked UBER hot without his shirt on... yum

i am much to interested in guys with no shirts on at the moment.

Sunday, January 25, 2009

i am jack's broken heart.

this is bad. bad, bad, bad. omg. this can't be happening AGAIN
i just kind of managed to not care as much as i used to. but now..
its like re-opening the wound, and making it twice the size in the process.
i think im gonna cry. FUCK
well no im not gonna cry, but i feel overly emotional about something that shouldn't affect me like this.. well theres no point in it affecting me like this...
i hate hormones.
its like my luck never gets good. ever

Saturday, January 24, 2009


today was amazingly fun at cassie's house
many things were said, too many things were laughed at, and ice cream was eaten

wow.. this wasted a long time...

ok. so for some retarded reason i went to bed at 7pm... and i woke up at 5:23am
not cool considering the fact that i missed like an entire friday evening.
but wateves
currently i am annoyed. wanna know why? i shall INFORM you
  1. if i leave my bedroom the hallway smells like weed.
  2. i don't like the smell of weed
  3. it is too early to do anything productive
  4. i am no longer tired enough to go back to sleep
  5. i'm hungry
  6. i hate you, but i don't hate you, but i want to talk to you, but i don't(hows that for confusing feelings?)

i think im gonna go read nicky sixx's autobiography, i got it from the library today, it seems pretty cool

oh yes, yesterday was pretty cool, talked to rick and vincent for like 2 hours. what did we talk about for that long? uhhh. if i told you i'd have to kill you. thats pretty much the gist of it. lol
we stood at the top of the path(only qe kids know wat im talking about, sorry non-qe kids) in the cold and talked about random stuff, the ghetto-ness of qe, the hot girls of semi(believe me gals, i gave a good review) uh, relationships, the movie Clerks II, the fact that im in love with

Edward Norton

And Kevin Smith, (in a not so love, but more like obsession with his movies sort of way)

Thursday, January 22, 2009

the veronicas - wow.. i like my sisters musical tastes.. weird

I go ooh ooh, you go ah ah 

I wanna wanna wanna get get get what I want
Don't stop
Give me give me give me what you got got
Cause I can't wait wait wait any more more more more
Don't even talk about the consequence
Cause right now you're the only thing that's making any sense to me
And I don't give a damn what they say, what they think think
Cause you're the only one who's on my mind
I'll never ever let you leave me
I'll try to stop time for ever, never wanna hear you say goodbye (bye bye bye)

I feel so untouched
And I want you so much
That I just can't resist you
It's not enough to say that I miss you
I feel so untouched right now
Need you so much somehow
I can't forget you
I've gone crazy from the moment I met you

And I need you so much

See you, breathe you, I want to be you
Alalalala alalalala
You can take take take take take time time
To live live the way you gotta gotta live your life
Give me give me give me all of you you
Don't be scared
I'll see you through the loneliness of one more more more
Don't even think about what's right or wrong, wrong or right
'Cause in the end it's only you and me and no one else is gonna be around
To answer all the questions left behind
And you and I are meant to be so even if the world falls down today
You've still got me to hold you up up
And I will never let you down (down)

I feel so untouched
And I want you so much
That I just can't resist you
It's not enough to say that I miss you
I feel so untouched right now
Need you so much somehow
I can't forget you
I've gone crazy from the moment I met you

Untouched, untouched, untouched, untouched, untouched
Alalalala alalalala
Alalalala alalalala

I feel so untouched
And I want you so much
That I just can't resist you
It's not enough to say that I miss you
I feel so untouched right now
Need you so much somehow
I can't forget you
I've gone crazy from the moment I met you

I feel so untouched
And I want you so much
That I just can't resist you
It's not enough to say that I miss you
I feel so untouched right now
Need you so much somehow
I can't forget you
I've gone crazy from the moment I met you

Untouched, untouched, untouched

im currently eating dark chocolate... my god this is good

ok, now that i have finished reading all of my friends' blog updates it is time to write my blog of the day, not that i feel obligated, but still, i like that i blog almost everyday.
today was a foggy day, full of stupid mistakes like forgetting my french homework in the printer and getting the steak wrap at lunch today(gag me.. they put celery in it. my goodness) 
plus i had to walk in the cold to get to my bus which was also cold and then coldly walked home in the freezing cold.
but the bus was pretty cool because terry sat with me and low and behold cindy got on after a few stops, soo we had a nice long chat about IB Banquet at 2nd semester classes, and then jake got on board, we talked to him about the ghetto-ness of Semi compared to that of QE

Semi is an older school, kinda dumpy with lots of rich to upper-middle class students
QE is a newer school, pretty nice looking with lots of middle to middle-lower class students.
i fall into the mid to upper middle class. but thats besides the point.
QE is ghetto because the kids act like they are gangsters, most of them are Punjabi and that adds to this "ghunda" atmosphere. btw that word means thug in punjabi.

uhhh yea, i need to get to some schooling. World literature anyone? oh yes, its time.

Wednesday, January 21, 2009


Sooo Neelam went and hurt herself!
That crazy girl! You jost dont know what she is going to do next..first she joins rugby then she injures herself ...nice
She had better get better soooon!!!


you are sooo pissing me off.

i want you to fucking leave my house.. and like never come back..
i feel like this isn't my house anymore with you here... you're always poking your head into the room, touchin my stuff, for fucks sake, go get a fucking job, move out and don't come to visit.
this is bullshit, stop whining, and if i happen to make myself something to eat and i don't make any for you, don't goddamned get a look of disappointment on your face. you have hands, and if i can make it myself so can you.
fuck, and stop hoggin the TV, don't intrude on my conversations and please for my sanity stop telling me random shit about your boring ass non-productive day where you sat on your ASS infront of the tv.
i especially hate it when you come upstairs and make yourself something to eat and leave the kitchen looking like a tornado hit it, and then leave it to suman to clean up your mess.
she's a 12 year old kid, who goes to school, is in sports and like a million other activities and you add cleaning your mess to her when you have no job, and all the time in the world to be able to fucking pick up after yourself?
my god, grow up you half-assing, drug addicted, alcoholic failure.
also, what kind of person can't put their own dishes into the dishwasher? fuck.

Tuesday, January 20, 2009

i feel ridiculous putting this up here. but. i can honestly say i've done, said or felt like 94% of these things... wow. im a loser. :)

You Know You Like Someone When......

1. You visit their facebook page more then three times a day
2. Your heart skips a beat everytime their msn name pop's up
3. You stare at their display pictures
4. You continue to block and unblock them just to make sure they notice your online
5. You sit by the phone waiting for them to call you and you get mad when they don't
6. You find yourself staring at them when you shouldn't be
7. You "accidentally" find yourself around their house or wherever they are.
8. It takes extra long for you to get ready when you go to see them
9.You get jealous when they talk about the opposite sex.
10.You try to make them jealous so they will want you more
11. You randomly tell pointless stories about them to your friends
12. You laugh at all their jokes even when they're not funny
13. It takes you extra long to write on their wall or message them because it has to be perfect
14. You observe them so much you know some of their outfits and notice when they buy new clothes
15. You have a song that reminds you of them
16. You go to appear offline just to see if they are online
17. You find yourself doodling their name...sometimes with hearts
18. You daydream about them
19. You go out of your way to walk past their locker just to get a glimpse at them even if your late for class
20. You know what classes they have and when they have them even if they haven't told you
21. You always wait for them to say bye to you before you can log off
22. You get butterflies when you hear their voice
23. You find yourself stuttering when you talk to them
24. You do something embarassing in front of them. i.e. trip, burp, say something stupid
25. They're the last person you think about before you go to bed, and the first person you think about in the morning. 
26. You get mad at them for not answering u on msn EVEN THO their status is set to away
27. You look at all there groups and try to join similar ones, so it looks like you share the same interests....
28. You know when you close your eyes and still see their face.
29. You know when you talk to someone and accidentally say their name.
30. You know when everything is going wrong in your life and just thinking of them brings a smile to your face.
31. You know when they smile at you and you go psycho thinking about it all day.
32. You know when you see him/her with another girl/guy and your blood rushes so fast.
33. At 11:11, you wish for this person to fall in love with you and for it to stay like that forever
34. You already have the names of both your kids picked out... or naming your kid after them
35. Get into the same class as them (accidentally of course)
36. Join a sport club just because they are in it
37. You think you sound cool, funny (w/e you wanna describe it) in front of them, to only walk away and start thinking "CRAP, why the hell did I say that" or "I'm such an idiot" "What was I thinking!?!?"
38. You try to think of something to add on this group
39. No matter how hard you try you can never hate or get mad at them
40. You cry when you know they have left you for something else in their life. 
41.You get excited when they give you a quick glance because you know for just one second you crossed their mind.
42.You read all the statements above and there was only one person on your mind
43.They're the first person you look at when you get to class
44.You walk all the way to the pencil sharpener to see them and then you realize that you have a lead pencil
45.You can see their face when you close your eyes 
46.You miss them before they're even gone. 
47.A simple task with them becomes a lasting memory
48.You start nodding while you read some of the statements because you know they are right & they concern you
49.When everything you do somehow reminds you of them. 
50.All the songs on your ipod remind you of them./They have a playlist on your ipod
51. When the phone rings you wish it was them and when its not you want to cry. 
52. When they don't reply from a text message you suddenly think they hate you 
53.As soon as you look at them and then look away, you already miss them.
54. When they say "bye i have to go" on msn/im u start typing fast so they get your message before u log off
55.You always look at their facebook profile to see what they did, events their going to, comments on pictures, their friends....etc. 
56.You find yourself cutting photos of them.
57.You read over ur personal messages constantly.
58.Everytime you are talking with someone, you say their name! even if you don't mean to.
59.You go through their friends list and see how they met each person.
60. When you see him all the things you had planned to say go out the window, and you just stay with an idiot face.
61.Everything you do, you do it thinking of him/her.
62.You're so happy going to school only because you'll probably see them there.
63.Everytime you recieve a message/call on your cellphone, the first person you think of is him/her.
64.When he/she is the only person who can make you laugh when you dont even want to smile.
65.All the guys/girls you see look just like him/her... example.... i just saw so and so... never mind wasn't them!
66.You continuously stare at them, until he/she notices you then you quickly look away, and start looking at other guys/girls (avoiding his/her eye contact) just so that they'd think that you weren't looking at them.
67.When you know you cant have them but you become best friends with them because you want to be as close to them as you can
68. You constantly look at the pictures you have of them. 
69.You plan out conversation topics to have with them
70.You say everything you can just so the conversation can last longer.
71. All you do is think about that person and accidently say or write their name instead of someone else’s on a msn convo.
72. You are so happy to see them but at the same time you're nervous and terrified.
73. Someone asks if you like him/her (and you deny it) but you can’t help but have a smile on your face.
74. The simplest little gesture from them, for example saying hi to you when you pass them, or starting a conversation with you, makes your day
75. Just looking at their pictures make you smile
76. You go out with someone else to make them jealous, to find out if they like you or just to get over them
77. You look at them in the hallways and hope they look at you back, even though it’s just a glimpse.
78. You go on facebook and keep clicking “online now” just to see when he/she logs on 
79. You hate chain letters and delete them all unless they have something to do with love, then you pass it on saying his/her name like 6 million times, hoping it'll work
80. You look at the songs they like on their applications on facebook and you download them just to see if you like them.
81. You like every song they send you especially if it’s a slow jam
82. Your in a group with your friends and suddenly they leave, so the group isn't interesting anymore
83. You constantly can't stop thinking about his smell or the little imperfections that make him/her them
84. You ask them questions about themselves even though you already know from their friends.
85. You dial there number then hang up once you hear it's ringing because you get scared.
86. You have a special ringtone just for them on you cell phone
87. You randomly walk into things or people from staring at them
88. You get pissed if he/she doesn’t come to school
89. You are talking to him on msn and u forget to feed your dog
90. You have his msg box as big as possible so you don’t miss a word he says
91. You keep reading your convo over and over again after he logs off, or you stare at their display pictures after they log off
92. You get pissed when he/she logs off without saying some sort of goodbye
93. You get pissed when they log off
94. You repeatedly have random dreams about them.
95. You start to suck at everything when he/she is around because you’re trying so hard.
96. You scream jus to get his/her attention
97. You talk really loud to your friends just so he/she sees your there
98. You still like them even after your friends constantly tell you, that you can do better and he’s ugly.
99. You deliberately skip the one class you have with him/her so s/he will wonder where you are
100. Just hearing their voice makes your heart pound faster and your mouth suddenly go dry
101. When you take likeness quizzes on facebook to see how alike you are
102. When you use proxy avoidance sites at school to check your facebook just in case s/he sent you a message since you checked 10 minutes ago
103. You are suddenly afraid you've said something offensive when they don't answer right away on MSN messenger
104. The most you can ever say to them in person is "hi" and "bye"
105. You spend hours selecting your facebook profile picture just to impress them.
106. You take pictures just for facebook so they will notice you. 
107. When the one thing you want to do most in the world is the one thing you can't do: talk to them.
108. You wait for them to say hi to you on msn and never want to say it first because you want to feel like they actually want to talk to u
109. Every time u get a message on facebook / txt/call, u get excited because u think or hope its from them
110. Your afraid that they're going to read this and be like “wooow wtf their a looser”
111. After talking to them for a long time and feeling happy that you two seem to be getting along, you go and say something stupid that ruins it and puts you right back where you started.
112. You help them with their love problems even though you love them so much
113. You come to school so sick u fell like your going to faint, only to find out they didn't come after all.
114. Your talking to them and u forget what you were saying in the middle of your sentence.
115. When you talk about the times you had with him/her to someone else even if it was just a fight
116. You can’t bring yourself to deleting their text messages and feel so guilty when you have to because your memory is full
117. You can wait all day and night just for them to return your call. (Your never too tired to talk to them)
118. You're friends are talking to you on the phone , and he/she calls so you get the urge to hang up on your friend[s] just to talk to him/her.
119. You sometimes hurt another friend while your trying to get them to like you.
120. You save your conversations on msn just to remember what he/she said!
121. You tell them the movie is starting a half hour earlier just so you can spend the extra time with them.
122. You take the extra long and slow way back home again just to spend the extra moments with them.
123. You forget to breathe when they hold you.
124. Get a new outfit or hairstyle just so they can notice you and say that you look nice or
125. Leave stupid comments on their wall repeatedly just so they'll write back on yours. 
126. You love when you make them laugh

Monday, January 19, 2009

Hey This is cool

ALRIGHTTTTTT Im posting on Neelams bloggggg FUN FUN

not sure what im going to blog here tho...hmmm
maybe ill copy paste from mine! only stuff about neelam or stuff that includes neelam tho :P

Seriously tho she is one great gal!

just some of the most attractive asian men I'VE EVER SEEN

Yoon-chun i do believe..

Gong Yoo


Jung Woo Sung.. i completely fell in love with him after watching the movie "the warrior"

Rain... or Bi in korean... 

Ji Jin Hee... hot damn.. 

JJH again.. as you can probably tell... i have a severe attraction to him

JJH by god.. you are ridiculously handsome 

unknown hott guy, thank you...

Ja Hee... so adorable

you like to think that you know me. its only in your mind.

song that i am currently listening to: I will survive - Gloria Gaynor

so, i have decided that i completely like this person, and he's so cute when he's shy. LOL
my gosh, here are the hints that i gave jen to figure out who he is, see if you can actually guess who it is.

- in IB
- last name starts with K
- in two of my classes

and thats it, see if you can get it!!

OMG, today... when i was getting off the bus to transfer onto the 321 i saw this guy.. and i swear to god, he looked fucking identical to dylan jesse... the only difference was that this guy was a lil bit shorter and had longer hair.. thats it... otherwise its his freaking doppleganger...

i rly, really, REALLY need to clean my room....
homework that needs to be done:
  1. read maya angelou
  2. make maya angelou hand out because andy is incompetent and would never in a million years be able to pull anything insightful from the novel.
  3. finish editting world literature paper
  4. write the mini-essay for history
  5. study for the math final on friday 
  6. watch camille claudel 
  7. make script for camille claudel trial
  8. subjunctif test on thursday
YAY! (i hate school)

fun things to look forward to:
  1. the 31st!! cus im hanging out with seb and cassie at the art gallery
  2. the 31st!! cus cassie is sleeping over
  3. February 16th 2009!! cus my contacts will arrive by then!
  4. January 2nd, 2010! cus i can do my road test 
  5. the day i die!!! cus then i'll never have to work again.. cus im a good person and therefore will not be subjected to the trials and tribulations of the devil's torturous regime down in hell
song that i am now listening to: Dancin Queen - Abba

Sunday, January 18, 2009

some confessions.. of a teenage drama dork

okay, im gonna admit this to myself and anyone else who happens to read this.
yes i do still love you. 
BUT, and this is the most important part, i don't want to be in a relationship with you
cus you've pretty much gone and destroyed my heart twice now. 
i honestly don't think i could manage a third time. 
it's like im damned if im with you or not.
it makes no difference cus i KNOW that you'd do something to hurt me again if we got back together
theres no question, and im sure as hell not willing to take the risk, there's way too much to lose
like my dignity, my heart and my god given sanity.

you "like someones else now, and shit's different" and "its over now"
well no shit sherlock... you think i don't know you at all!
of course you like someone else.. thats just who you are. 
and it's been over since november... wat you thought i didnt think it was permanent?
well i did. until you'd randomly come around and tell me that we belong together and how you hate it when we're apart.
you made me unsure. and im mad at myself for taking the bait and thinking i would benefit in some way instead of just having the hook ripped out of my mouth and being thrown back into the water.

seeing you randomly doesnt help, but im glad we don't go to the same school, cus that would be fucking hell

i talked to matt. that was kinda...  i dunno... weird/comforting
i missed talking to him a lot...
we're gonna hang out soon, my mom and me are gonna go over to his place, our moms haven't seen each other in like 6 months and are dying to.
its gonna be fun :)
me and matty, like old times.

urr me, seb and cassie! downtown on the 31st, its gonna rock.

between me and the internet whores that read this blog...
i kinda maybe sorta like 2-3 guys... 
too much variety at semi.. i swear. lol
plus i think one of them likes me back.. :)
haha jen knows about this one... 

this is Miss Informer, signing off

and here: Is Sperm Nutritious?
You are what you eat. In this case, it is somewhat true, as sperm contains important genetic
material. But sperm, despite its important load, is not particularly nutritious or fattening. The
average ejaculate, about one teaspoon, contains between two and three hundred million
sperm. Total calories: about five. These calories are derived from protein, including enzymes
and sugars (mainly fructose) secreted into semen by the prostate gland to provide the sperm
with the energy to swim.
Other good stuff found in semen includes water, vitamin C, citric acid, phosphate,
bicarbonates, zinc, and prostaglandins. A veritable breakfast of champions.

a convo between Cassie, Seb, and Me... this was interesting, btw me and cassie talked on the phone for FIVE hours yesterday, and new record for us.

urrr it was fun?
lol, i shall write more about the convo later... 

Saturday, January 17, 2009

and sometimes ppl should just STFU and GTFO

happy day all. i slept for like 11 hours
went and ordered my contact lenses (THEY'RE GONNA TAKE 4 WEEKS TO GET HERE)
cus i have to get super duper custom made lenses... its painful being so unique
urm i watched the Montreal vs. Ottawa game...
it was soo close, and Heatley was on FIRE
but in the end the Habs won 5-4 in shootout
(i've come to know way too much about mtl, i feel kinda like a fraud talking about them like im some die-hard fan, but slowly they've grown on me. and now whenever they are playing and like i happen to be channel surfing i have to watch..)

apparently i owe the library $54.87 i feel like im gonna puke.
i am not gonna elaborate on that.

my nails look great today.

im like uber bored but rather content at the moment

i dont wanna talk to anyone.. at all

bye bye for now...
p.s. maybe i should inform about stuff other then my life considering my name is "Miss Informer" hhhmmm...

here we go: Male circumcision was introduced into English-speaking countries in the late
1800s as a method of treating and preventing masturbation.

informative huh?


Friday, January 16, 2009

when you stopped missing me is when i stopped missing you

SOOooo i've been awake since 2am...
and im super duper not tired yet..
i think i may end up dying from this weirdness
uhh i had sushi today
it was very yummyful
considering i don't like sushi...
my hair feels very nice today... but somehow i managed to get it caught in my TELEPHONE whilst talking to ma mere... 
my watch feels very heavy on wrist right now
plus my obliques are sore from yesterday...
i can't laugh.. it hurts

my bedroom is in serious dis-array... i think i need a maid...
i think everyone in IB should get a free maid... that would decrease stress levels and increase productivity substantially

uh i met an old guy on the bus today and talked to him for like 40 mins.. his name was paul. and he's 70 years old, he has a daughter who is a registered nurse in california and he was a hippy back when he and his wife raised her up.
he told me about this show called lockedup.. or something along those lines about pyshcotic killers and white supremacists and rapists and stuff, he told me i would find it interesting to watch it because i want to be a psychiatrist. he was cool
he also told me to look up this psychiatrist named Carl Younge, and that he was better than Freud(i think i spelled this wrong, but w.e.)

uhh while i was on the bus, like the last 20 mins it took everything i have not to throw up.. 
i dunno why but i felt uber nauseated.

dance dance, we're falling apart to half time!!

k so trying the new sleeping pattern 
working so far 
its 2am 
and i just woke up, i went to bed at 6pm 
so thats EIGHT hours of sleep. 
awesome, and now im kinda hyper, i just ate "breakfast" 

uhhh i thought i'd be all sore from rugby yesterday. but surprisingly.. im not. 
t'was so much fun, i had forgotten 
cus michelle chen, tina ho, and rady s. are in it too, plus i think melissa joined up too! 
so woot! 
the coach is this giant guy who is probly like 350 pounds, but he's cool 
we ran, a lot 
but w/e all in the name of sport 

dude.. we practice on turf. you know how much that hurts? 
i swear to god.. we have to walk through 4 full sized soccer fields to get to our turf, 
which is like 5 mins, but its uber weird that we don't just practice on one of them... 

omg... i rly want one of the semi rugby bags... i like them, A LOT 

Wednesday, January 14, 2009

i don't care what you say as long as its about me, the best of us can find happiness in misery

MY GOD! the song turning me on by keri hilson has some FREAKING HAWT BOYZ/MEN IN IT
wowzers.. them boys be smokin'

urrrr wat else happened today?
oh yeah! my oral is tomorrow. 
uh i saw jake on the bus today.. he boarded with like 8 other guys and the smell of weed was INSANE
brought back memories. the weed smell.. not jake. lol
also saw dylan. again.. this is getting to be kinda creepy.
well theres no chance of me seeing him for a long time, this is good
cus im in rugby now, so i wont be able to come on tuesday and thursday, so wednesday is the only day left, and i rarely go home early on that day.. and monday and friday i dont go to qe... :) 
cassie... AUGUSTUS. hehehe
OH YEA, watched charlie and the chocolate factory with cassie
t'was uber fun
supa dupa crew
oh shit that reminds me of the movie grind.. i love that movie
im currently watching american idol.. i only watch the auditions.. cus after that it gets boring.. lol

Tuesday, January 13, 2009

i love you cassie.. omg this made me laugh soo hard!!!

Cassandra? The world is made of Smiles and Walnuts :)  says:
 hahah and if i tried to flirt id blow up the earth

why am i still here? Pourquoi sont je toujours ici?

ugh and then the ugly truth reares its head.

so what? now its alex's fault that we're not together?
this is beyond exasperating.. i dont know what to say other than, right now... i dont care.
i don't want to be with someone who hurt me the way you did.
i've come to realize that it was fun while it lasted, but good things come and go. and this thing, "us" has left.
every corner i turn ur always there, and i don't like it.

Monday, January 12, 2009

and now im lost at sea, im drowning in what i wont be, im haunted by the sound

soooo. today was pretty cool, except for the fact that i only got 5 hours of sleep -.-' 
french was a blessing first thing in the morning.. cus there was no thinking involved.
im currently listening to Miyavi and LOVING IT
i saw a really, REALLY, insanely hott guy on the bus today..
he had crazy dark blue eyes, black hair cut short, and was i dunno... just really intriguing..
but he looked totally stoned.. but w.e he doesnt need to be straight edge for me to be able to appreciate his gorgeousness
i hugged vince for the first and second time today. he gives nice hugs ^.^
i also saw dylan today after a very prolonged period of time.
he cut his hair. urm... 
i tried jen's sleep schedule.. but i couldnt stay asleep for that long.. so i decided to give up and try a different day.
people totally loved my checkerboard laces on my shoes, it looks fucking HAWT
except steven, he said they were "gay" well no shit sherlock.. the laces were pink and black. of course they looked girly. 
neelam + rude comments from steven = annoyed the fuck off
i have blog ADHD again.. me and kyaelim had a convo about the fact that we both totally have it.. lol

other things that annoy neelam:
  1. when its not sunny
  2. when there are not enougth daylighthours
  3. being ignored
  4. Les Oeuvres Creatifs
  5. when my nailpolish chips
  6. bad grammar whilst speaking
  7. if theres nothing to eat in the house except cereal
  8. math homework
  9. being ignoredx2
  10. taking history notes
  11. ppl who talk to me right when i wake up
  12. calls that wake me up and the person says nothing of importance
  13. bad music
  14. ppl who talk to me when i am obviously not wanting to talk, e.i. im giving one word responses with no enthusiasm.
  15. my imagination when im trying to fall asleep
  16. imaginary conversations/scenarios that happen in your head and will never come true
  17. reading novels for school
  18. when my iPod dies right before i get on the bus to go home from school
  19. ppl who talk about stupid shit while we're in math class instead of learning and then they complain that they don't understand what the hell we're doing.
  20. closed-minded ppl
  21. vague ppl
  22. ppl who dont say what they mean
  23. ppl who don't tell you what they want from you
  24. ppl who change the subject when you're trying to talk about something serious
  25. ppl who show off to make other ppl feel bad instead of just out of excitement
to be continued...

Sunday, January 11, 2009

You're Cold As Ice, Some Day You'll Pay

got new shoes!! yay
they're Airwalk and they have these awesome lil zebra-esqe men on the sides.
anywho.. back to homework for me...

Friday, January 9, 2009

to be updated momentarily.

sooo hey ppl of the 'net!
i went and got my learners permit yesterday! yay me!
if i had gotten 2 more questions wrong i would have failed... 
i was supposed to go get my L last year.. but something always came up so i didnt get around to it...
now i cant get my N until next year on Jan. 02, 2010.. it seems so far away...

Wednesday, January 7, 2009

i've been travelling on this road too long, just trying to find my way home, the old me is dead and gone

im just so tired. tired of school, tired of life, tired of caring, tired of my uncle, tired of this house,
tired of being alone.
OK. its time for a rehaul. im trying rly hard now. and this is GOING TO WORK
if its the last thing i do. i will achieve this goal. because if i dont. well then life is never gonna get better.

i just read breaking dawn again.. god that book gets more and more stupid everytime i read it. i think that the 'new and inventive' story line is just fad. and once your really read the book you realize how idiotic it really is.

i love how i cant say more than 2 sentences about any subject in this blog.. i have serious ADHD today. and did i mention that i am freezing? omg. im sooo COLD

i'll leave you with some linkin park lyrics, ponder and love them.
ta for now net-babes.
'hand full of complaints but i cant help that everyone can see these scars.'

Tuesday, January 6, 2009

Listen (listen, listen) - Wintersleep

And even if the words don't sound right,
I will love you till the day my heart dies,
till the day my heart dies.

And even if this ain't the right light,
you're prettier than anything,
you're prettier than anything that I'd
prettier than anything that I'd write.

There's something in the way our lips touch,
there's something in the way we're stuck together
and they don't build love like that no more.

You said you'd like it when the thunderstorms came,
said you'd like if the thunderstorm just
pulled you piece by piece away. 

Monday, January 5, 2009

i hate this bull

next time i decide to not put my earrings in for like two months.. someone please, PLEASE remind me that it hurts like a bitch when you have to force the earrings through the healing flesh....
now for my first day back at school. well it was actually pretty good. quite funny infact when me and Kyaelim talked about sex for like the entire double block of english...
i informed her and dylan and ramon that you should never double wrap. Chasta told me to come out for rugby and Kyaelim told me a story that made me wanna shoot the idiots that teach sex ed.
uhmm after school i was gonna go get my Learners permit... but i just happened to forget all of my identification and wallet at home.. so that didnt work out so well.. then i had to wait for like 35 mins in the snow for the bus to come.. stupid shortcuts... i should have known that taking the long way would have taken less time.. stupid fucking 351.

and now some life altering news has completely ruined my future.
yay me... now im gonna go pretend like im okay infront of my family and then ... i dunno.
get over it.
cus right now im soo fucking pissed.

Sunday, January 4, 2009

Your Woman by White Town

Just tell me what you've got to say to me
I've been waiting for so long to hear the truth
It comes as no surprise at all you see
So cut the crap and tell me that we're through

Now I know your heart, I know your mind
You don't even know you're bein' unkind
So much for all your highbrow Marxist ways
Just use me up and then you walk away
Boy, you can't play me that way

Well I guess what you say is true
I could never be the right kind of girl for you

I could never be your woman
I could never be your woman
I could never be your woman
I could never be your woman

When I saw my best friend yesterday
She said she never liked you from the start
Well me, I wish that I could claim the same
But you always knew you held my heart

And you're such a charming, handsome man
Now I think I finally understand
Is it in your genes? I don't know
But I'll soon find out, that's for sure
Why did you play me this way

Well I guess what you say is true
I could never be the right kind of girl for you

I could never be your woman
I could never be your woman
I could never be your woman
I could never be your woman

Well I guess what they say is true
I could never spend my life with a man like you

I could never be your woman
I could never be your woman
I could never be your woman
I could never be your woman 

stupid teenage love is so... ugh

"You Can Be My Sun And My Moon, Or The Stars In My Sky.... BUT YOU CAN'T BE MY GIRLFRIEND!"

THIS, is exactly how i feel like ur acting towards me. i mean WTF? apparently you love me. but not enough to make a move?
this is getting super annoying... but for some strange reason unknown to me. I'm willing to put up with it.
alex, cassie, and pretty much every other person i know except courtney thinks i should just forget you ever existed.
easier said then done my friends. you think i havent tried? OF COURSE I HAVE, but i FAILED. you are forever stuck in my heart and my brain. 
i've discovered an important fact about us too. we will never be able to be "just friends" ever.. its just not gonna happen. cus we have wayyyy too much history and memories... 
so either we're together.. or not in each others lives at all. cus theres no way i'd be able to get over you if you popped up everywhere.. and on my msn. 
personally i hope for the former. but i dunno.. the way things have been going or more precisely not going, i dont think it's gonna happen unless there is some sort of miracle 

Saturday, January 3, 2009

bleeding hearts are the norm. find me a healed, sealed and healthy heart and i'll be a monkey's uncle

well if breaking the rules makes you look like THAT
then who would ever dare to be an non-conformist? 
no one.
but hey, he looks like he's having a barrel of monkey's worth of fun...


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